Often times when I travel for work, I have time to sit and reflect on if I am doing this mom thing right. Am I going against what I was created to do when I’m not there for my kids? Well the only thing I know to do when that happens is lift it up to Christ. Here is my prayer from last week:

Father,
You created me to mother 2 little boys. You taught me what it’s like to love unconditionally and infinitely. You have shown me how to love like you love me.

You also created me to do work, for now it’s out of my home. The deepest parts of my soul long to be with my children at all times, to truly guide them and teach them how to live in this world and not of it.

They need to know how to walk and talk, read and write, do math, and be intellectual. But they also need spiritual education, to know how to have a relationship with You. It’s mine and my husbands earthly responsibility to teach them this. How can I do these things when I’m away?

You are in control and I give my all to you. Thank you for the blessings of my home and my children, and for us never being in want.

Please lead and guide those that watch over my children by day. You have called me to entrust another to teach and train my children while I’m away. I have to daily give this to you, because you know how I feel about this.

If this continues to be your will then please give me strength to continue every day working with a happy heart. I will continue to work until you make known to me what my next step is.

I don’t pretend to think that those who solely take care of their home and family have it any easier, it’s just different. I can’t help but long for that life. I didn’t want it before, when I had my first, but now that I have two, I can’t help but find part of my identity in being their mama.

Maybe it’s the postpartum anxiety talking, but I worry about doing it wrong. Show me how to do it right. Reassure me that you have me right where you want me.

Bless my boys with people who will help them grow strong in you, to be intelligent and interesting boys. Bless them in who they want to be, that it brings you glory.

One thing I do know, that even if I am there with them all day every day, they will still need you, I will still need you. The thing is, we are nothing without you.

Whether I am home or away, I know you will continue to bless our family, our home, our lives. Thank you for always remaining constant  even when we change or lose faith.

I can’t begin to know what being a mama will always look like, but I know you have set an example for us, the unconditional love of a Father.

On these nights and days when I am not home, just remind me you’ve got us in your arms. I know when I’m there I have no more control, but I can’t help but let my human brain think that I do have control. Call it the mama bear in me, but I feel I can protect them when I’m there. And maybe you’ve given me a little bit of that control, but I know the ultimate Father is protecting them and me no matter where I am!

Amen